Wednesday, November 19

To Fly

I cant even explain what its like to meet people and not only get to know their likes and dislikes but to know every horrible thing that they have ever gone through and horrible thing they have done to others. Sharing almost every life changing moment with these people! Gettin so close that they honestly know you better than you know your self.

They sit up late with you in the kitchen praying until you hear Gods voice

They come into your bed and snuggle with you just cause they know without you saying anything that your lonely and need a good hug.

They hit you in the face when your alarm goes off because your pratically a married couple that.fights and still love eachother just the same =]

They sit up late bashing your ex's and being giddy about an amazing man of God thats some day going to sweep you off your feet. (yes fairy tails do come true)

They find you outside by your self skipping dinner dishes and let you cry and tell you taht its okay to feel the way you do.

They make you coffee in the morning because they love you no hidden agenda.

I've never experienced something this incredible and its soo hard to leave it all behind. We all showed up the first day with broken hearts and crushed dreams and resentment towards God. Where we quickly were broken of these lies and we together all fell madly in love with God. Besides God these girls are the only ones that know what was going on in this crazy 6 months of seperation. Its still hard to wrap my brain around them not physically in my life anymore.

Its hard. Being here. the tricities...I know God sent me here for a reason to deal with things i ran away from. But man...As much as i hate it here its soooooo much easier than before i left for australia. That was honestly the worst time in my life. When you loose someone that you were sooo dependent on. Then realizing you have nothing, not even God cause you peaced out on him for this dude. Ohh to be a 18 year old. =/ hah But God has taught me sooo much through it all. God has used this in the most incredible way and taught me the most valuable thing in my FULLY surrender!! I've also learned what its like to be apart from him and to feel the GRACE that he died for. Ahh i could talk forever...=]
Anyways when i was Indonesia God told me to go home and deal with relationships and feelings that i ran away from. So i've been here..i've tried to mend things (but you can only do so much form one end)..i've delt with sooo many FLOODING feelings. The first month i really cant explain all the crap that went on. Everywhere i went or every store or place i went to i would have these massive explosion of memories that i DIDNT want to deal with...its amazing the growth thats taken place in the short time i've been home.
Something my mom always says is "the greates miracle God does is healing a truly broken heart" And its soo true. i love this and it makes me want to cry everytime i hear it..i'm a walking miracle...

Another thing He told me is that he would reveal to me my destiny. WHOA right! Something i've prayed for probably since i was 13! God reveal to me my destiny etc...etc. :)
Sooo i'm like OKAY God...what do i do...What have you called me to art teacher, a stay at home mom, a artist, a photographer, travel the world, a graphic designer, a ywamer...blah blah..

i know what i've been called to. God FINALLY revealed this to me and i want nothing more than to begin to step out in that! I knew that this time here in the tricities would be i've been prayin lots about what i should do next and when. Something has come up that i think is God. But i'm still convincing the parents and making sure its God. =] so please pray for God to speak clearly to both my parents and i. I dont want to go against them..but i need to do what God wants me to.

God created me to fly..thats my calling. You probably dont understand this and thats okay. I'm okay with people not understanding me and thinking my dreams are silly! All i know is i want to see it all through his eyes. And all of these random little passions i have (seriously like over 20 different things) are put in me for a reason. And that someday eachone of these things will be fufilled.
Oh man i love Jesus! Hes amazing!!


Knitting Mania said...

I was so blessed to read your heart. Sounds like a stirring is happening in you....I'll pray with you for God's direction and wisdom.

Spreading your wings and getting ready to fly must be the most exciting feeling ever!

Hugs... A Chris

julie said...

I love you! and I love how GOD is speaking to us about what he wants us doing...and i love even more that we are going in similar yet completely different directions all at the same time.

you amaze me, and i can't wait to see where God takes you! :)

Jen(n) said...

I know I have left my parents really puzzled time and time again with the decisions I have made in my journey with God.

Peace for your parents. Faith and strength for your journey. clear revelation for you all.

much love